


Five Times Maya Was Confused and One Time She Wasn’t

by silver_etoile



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: 5 Times, F/M, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_etoile/pseuds/silver_etoile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maya never sees it coming, what's about to happen with Lucas, and she'll deny her feelings until the end, or at least until Riley finds out and all hell breaks loose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Maya Was Confused and One Time She Wasn’t

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing here, but I guess I'm too impatient for the writers to get to this part, so I got here first. Enjoy.

**I. 14**

“Listen here, Huckleberry.”

“Please don’t call me that,” Lucas said, almost involuntarily as Maya’s hand curled around his shirt and yanked him forward.

Maya stared hard at Lucas, his face smeared with blue paint from the art room. It probably wasn’t the kind of paint that was supposed to go on faces, but what did she care about that? Mr. Matthews had left them alone in a school for a whole hour. What did he expect to happen?

The rest of the kids looked on, the situation all too familiar, with Maya and Lucas a hair’s breadth away.

“What do you want me to call you?” she asked, an eyebrow arching as Lucas stared back at her. Maya didn’t think about how often she and Lucas were this close. He was just a honkey-tonk cowboy from Texas who didn’t understand the ways of the big city. Besides, Riley was head over heels for his accent and perfectly-styled hair. Riley wasn’t there, though, not at the moment. At the moment, she was minding her Ps and Qs back in the classroom like the good girl she was.

“Mad Dog,” Lucas replied and Maya had to give it to him. He tried.

“Not gonna happen,” she said, but she didn’t loosen her grip.

Lucas stared at her, his eyebrows creasing in that scared puppy dog way he did whenever she got too close. Sometimes, Maya had a hard time remembering Lucas was the kind of guy who slammed an older kid against a locker for Zay. When he looked at her like this, half pleading, half worried what might happen if she didn’t let go, she almost liked it.

Almost.

Another second passed and Maya didn’t let go. Lucas had the bluest eyes, and it was that thought, perhaps, that made Maya shove him away and turn to Farkle behind her as he said something. Lucas stumbled back a step and Maya ignored him. She didn’t care about Lucas’ eyes or that he was just the right amount taller than her, tall enough to gaze up at him and not feel like she was minuscule. She just needed to wear higher heels.

“Let’s steal one of the good ones,” Maya said and the group cheered in agreement. After all, she wasn’t stupid enough not to know that Riley was her conscience. Like yin and yang. She also wasn’t dumb enough not to know exactly what Mr. Matthews was doing. He always thought his lessons were so slick.

As they headed off to kidnap Riley, Lucas caught her by the arm, holding her back for a second from the group.

“Maya,” he said, his face in that sickeningly sincere expression that made Maya’s stomach curl for some reason. “Can you just call me Lucas?”

Maya couldn’t help the pause that followed, her stomach clenching as though it knew something she didn’t. It would have been incredibly easy to say yes and drop all the nicknames and start being nice to him. It would have been so easy to let herself smile when she saw him, but instead, she scrunched up her nose and shook her head.

“Sorry, Ranger Rick,” she said with a pat on his shoulder. “Now hop to!”

Turning, she stubbornly ignored Lucas’ sigh behind her. It would have been too easy, and Maya knew the dangers of easy.

 

 

**II. 16**

Maya’s brain felt like it was going to explode. She couldn’t read another word or answer another question. If Riley showed her another flashcard, she was going to burn it. 

“Why do we have to do this?” she whined, flopping onto the couch and shoving Lucas further away from her. He shot her a frown as he ended up scrunched at the very end while she took up the rest, casting an arm over her eyes. She could swear they were burning from so much studying. “It’s only the _P_ SAT.”

Riley looked up from her notes, color-coded and anally organized in a way only she could do. Well, her and her mother.

“The PSAT is practice for the SAT,” Riley said for the thousandth time since they’d started this. “If you score high enough, you can qualify for the National Merit Scholarship Program.”

“Well, that’s not happening, so,” Maya said, shoving herself up and tossing away the study book. They’d been doing this every night for weeks now. Studying, highlighting, flashcards. There was no more room left in her brain for this information.

“Come on, Maya,” Lucas said, scooting back over now that space had returned between them. “You’re smart. You can totally do this.”

“Thanks, Cowboy,” she drawled in return, rolling her eyes. Lucas was always so sure everyone could reach their potential. He was a slightly less rose-colored Riley. With big strong arms and chiseled jawbones that had blossomed sometime between freshman and sophomore year. 

“Lucas is right,” Riley agreed, beaming at him, and Maya looked away. Why couldn’t they just date already and leave her to her loathing of relationships in general? “You’re going to be brilliant.”

“Ugh,” Maya groaned, reluctantly grabbing her book from the floor. “I hate you both.”

Lucas smiled at her, and Maya frowned. He seemed to be doing that a lot more lately. Then again, he’d always been smiley, since the day they met. 

“I need caffeine,” she announced instead, leaving them behind in the living room and heading to the Matthews’ fridge. Grabbing a soda, she turned to where Farkle was bent over the kitchen table, engrossed in his book. “How’s it going, Farkle?”

“Shh!” he reprimanded her, a crazed look in his eye. “I’m trying to memorize every math formula I could possibly need and I’m only halfway through the book!”

“Okay…” Maya left him there. There was such a thing as over-preparation, but she wasn’t going to tell Farkle that. His head would probably spin off and go right through the ceiling. 

Lucas was still on the couch and Riley was on the chair opposite. Maya wasn’t sure how she’d ended up sharing the couch with Lucas, but she couldn’t make Riley move now. It would be weird and Riley would want to know why. Maya could always frame it like it had been Riley’s idea, but she didn’t think she had enough mental capability to do it at the moment, not when analogies and formulas were swirling in her head.

Sitting on the couch with Lucas wasn’t a problem, she told herself as she returned and sat far on the other end. After all, they were friends. Right. Friends.

“How much longer do we have to do this?” she asked, checking the time on her phone. Not that her mother expected her home any time soon. She’d told her she was staying at the Matthews, whether she did or not. It was easier that way. 

“We still need to go over the writing portion,” Riley said, hefting out yet another book. Maya felt her heart drop.

*

Farkle snored at the table, cheek stuck to his math book. Riley was slumped over in the arm chair, mid-highlight. 

“Maybe we should stop studying,” Lucas said, his voice low not to wake either of them up.

“You think?” Maya replied, shutting the book she’d been pretending to read for the last hour. Her whole body felt tired, like the kind of tired you feel after playing a sport or shopping for more than two hours. Sliding down, she stretched her legs out and sighed.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

Lucas wasn’t packing up his things to leave, though Maya thought he should be. Mr. Matthews wouldn’t be happy if he woke up to two boys in his house, even if it was Lucas and Farkle.

“Be sarcastic all the time.”

Over the years, Lucas had lost a bit of his Texas accent, but it came rushing back when he asked her that. For a second, she remembered the first time they’d met. He’d been so young and naive then. He still could be.

“It’s part of my charm,” she replied, tossing her hair over her shoulder and stacking the books, mostly to do something to distract herself from the way Lucas was watching her. “What?” she asked finally when he didn’t help or move or pretend he was going to leave.

“Nothing.” He shook his head with a half-shrug. They were closer on the couch now than they had been. Maya swore the cushions angled them towards the middle, forcing them closer over time.

She had to move, to get out of there, away from Lucas. She couldn’t explain why, but something deep inside, a gut reaction, told her something bad was going to happen if she didn’t. But she didn’t do any of those things. Instead, she frowned at him, at his expression she couldn’t figure out.

She’d known Lucas three years now, and he’d never looked at her like that before. It was the same way Riley looked at cake. Neither of them moved.

The apartment was entirely too silent. This was New York. There should have been blaring sirens, car horns, something. The quiet unnerved her.

“I should,” she said, standing abruptly as the silence lengthened beyond comfortable. She had to get out of there. Taking a step, she ran right into the pile of books she’d just made and tipped forward.

She fell right into Lucas’ lap, her mind racing as she realized her predicament. This wasn’t her. She wasn’t clumsy. She wasn’t Riley. Riley would do this, entirely not on purpose, and end up in this situation. Not Maya. Maya was not that girl.

Lucas’ hands wrapped around her arms, pushing her up, and then they were at eye-level. 

Maya held her breath as Lucas pushed a lock of her hair back. This wasn’t supposed to be happening, but her heart was racing, blood pounding in her ears, and she could swear her hands were shaking. 

“What are you—” was all she got out, eyes darting to Lucas’ mouth.

“Pythagorean Theorem!” Farkle shouted from the table, shooting upright as though struck by lightning.

The effect was instantaneous. Maya shoved Lucas with as much force as her shaking hands could muster and they were on opposite ends of the couch before Riley stirred and jerked awake.

“What time is it?” Riley asked groggily, and Maya was glad for an excuse to do something other than stare in terror at Lucas and what she thought almost just happened.

“Midnight.”

“I should get going,” Lucas said a second later as Riley nodded sleepily. Maya avoided looking at him as he grabbed his bag and stepped over the toppled book pile.

“Remember, mitosis is the division of cells,” Riley mumbled, slumping in the chair again. Lucas spared her a brief smile as he reached the door. He glanced back at Maya, but Maya busied herself cleaning the books off the floor, and she let out a breath of relief as she heard the door close.

That did not just happen, she told herself firmly. _Get a grip, Maya._

Curling up on the couch, she tried not to notice the warm spot where Lucas had been sitting. Staring at the books on the table, she shook her head. She couldn’t possibly like Lucas. Besides, her eyes strayed to Riley sleeping in the chair, it would be awful.

“Sin, cosine, tangent,” Farkle mumbled from the kitchen table, his head back on his book.

Closing her eyes, Maya forced herself to block out the image of Lucas’ face so close to hers.

 

 

**III. 17**

Maya was pretty sure this was the happiest she’d ever seen Riley, and she’d known Riley almost her entire life. Swaying on the dance floor underneath disgustingly cheesy streamers and sparkling chandeliers, her arms around Lucas and twirling in a beautiful blue dress. Junior prom so far hadn’t lived up to the hype, and Maya kept her phone on the table to routinely check the time. It had already been two hours, and Maya was dying.

“You know…” Farkle appeared at her table, sliding into a chair and scooting closer. Maya scooted away. “You could be dancing with me right now.”

“Go away, Farkle.” She definitely wasn’t in the mood to be hit on by Farkle. Not when Lucas had his hands around Riley’s waist and Riley had that dopey swoon look on her face.

Maya wanted to be happy for her. She really did. Riley had been so excited when Lucas had asked her to prom. It had meant hours of Maya sitting around in dress stores (somewhere she had about 0% interest in being) while Riley tried to find the perfect dress. Riley had ended up with something great, and Maya had dragged this black dress out of the back of her closet. It was a little too short considering she hadn’t worn it since freshman year. Riley had insisted it looked good and that next year, at Senior Prom, they would find her the perfect dress.

“You didn’t have to come alone to the prom,” Farkle went on, adjusting his bow tie and clearly ignoring her wishes, though she hadn’t expected any less. He’d grown out of his awkward stage a bit, shooting up a foot taller than her but still skinny as a rail. He still couldn’t get a date.

“I should have come with you, huh?” she asked, drumming her fingers on the table as the song changed and still, Lucas and Riley danced. 

“I would have treated you like a princess.”

Maya pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn’t want to be treated like a princess. She didn’t want to be in this stupid hall listening to stupid music while her classmates danced and sneaked drinks under the table. Her dress was far too short to sneak in booze, though she was regretting not figuring out some way anyhow. Next year, she’d choose a long dress and wear a leg flask.

“I’m really not in the mood, Farkle,” she said at length, turning from Riley and Lucas. She wasn’t jealous, definitely not.

Ever since that night back in October, things had changed slightly. Riley hadn’t noticed a bit, but Maya did. She went out of her way not to end up alone with Lucas. She encouraged Riley’s crush still and even switched seats when teachers tried to seat her in front of Lucas, like they always had.

“Maya, come on,” Farkle said, uncharacteristically serious for once, and Maya had no choice but to listen. It was either that or think some more about how Lucas’ arms might feel around her, and she didn’t want to do that. “You’ve been acting kinda weird for a while. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” Maya said, shaking back her hair. “Just enjoying this _awesome_ music.” She glanced dubiously at the speaker as something from the 00s came on.

Farkle opened his mouth to say something else, but Riley and Lucas waltzed up, Riley looking drunk with happiness. 

“Maya! You need to get on the dance floor!” Riley pulled at her arm. “You can dance with Farkle!”

“No,” Maya said bluntly, checking the time again.

“Then dance with Lucas!” Riley’s eyes were big, staring at Maya, and Maya knew that look. Riley just wanted her to have fun but the thought of dancing with Lucas was too much to handle.

“I have to use the restroom,” Maya said instead, grabbing her phone from the table and heading for the hallway.

She heard Riley calling her name, but she prayed, just once, that Riley wouldn’t come after her. She didn’t head for the bathroom considering she didn’t know where it was in this monstrous hall. Instead, she ducked around a corner and sunk against the wall.

The silence was too good to be true as she heard footsteps approaching. 

“Riley, I don’t wanna…” She trailed off as Lucas came around the corner. “Lucas.”

“Maya, we need to talk,” Lucas said, and Maya was taken aback. So far, Lucas had ignored whatever had almost happened in October.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ranger Rick,” she replied. “I’m fine.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t.” Lucas frowned and tugged at his tie with a finger. He looked incredibly too well put together and Maya stared past his shoulder.

Maya hadn’t been alone with Lucas for months. In fact, it was something she’d actively avoided. Now, here they were, alone in a grand hallway that led to a ballroom where Riley was probably freaking out. Oh, Maya wasn’t looking forward to going back there.

“Well, now that that’s all cleared up, I’m sure Riley is waiting,” she said, trying to step around Lucas, but he didn’t let her. She scowled. “Move it, Huckleberry.”

“No,” he said simply, in that calm, cool way he had that simultaneously made Maya annoyed and endeared to his stupid perfect face. “We obviously have a problem and we need to do something about it.”

That was the last straw for Maya. She hadn’t started this little problem, but she could sure as hell end it. Her fingers wrapped around Lucas’ lapel before his eyes could so much as widen and yanked him forward.

“Listen up, Cowboy,” she growled, his face inches from hers, but his eyes weren’t widened like they used to be, in fear. Instead, he seemed to be calculating his next move. “You’re the one who got weird. _You_ started this, back in October, and if you think for one minute that I’m just gonna let you get in my head, you’ve got another thing co—”

Maya didn’t know how it happened, exactly, but in the space between words, Lucas’ lips were pressed to hers. 

The moment lasted entirely too long and yet not long at all. Lucas’ mouth was soft, the pressure slight, and Maya felt herself almost sigh and lean into it.

Lucas’ hand brushed over her cheek, cupping her jaw as he pulled away.

For a second, Maya couldn’t do anything, swept away in something she couldn’t explain, but then all the feelings came rushing back and she released Lucas’ shirt like her hand had been burned. Lucas, to his credit, didn’t seem surprised at the kiss or her reaction to it, which only incensed her more.

“What the hell, Friar?” she demanded, glad when he took a step back, allowing some space between them. 

Her mind was racing, jumping from what had just happened to Riley back in the ballroom to that moment on the couch six months ago and if this might have happened then. Lucas had kissed her. Lucas Friar, Ranger Rick, the cowboy from Texas who she’d spent a good portion of the last few years making fun of, had kissed her in an empty hallway and was offering no explanations for why.

“Maya, I—” he started, but she shook her head and cut him off.

“No, no,” she said firmly, wiping her mouth to get the feel of his lips off, though it didn’t seem to work. “You are here with Riley. Riley has had a crush on you since day one. You can’t just go around kissing—what is wrong with you?” She shoved him, hard, and he stumbled back a step. “I thought you liked Riley.”

Her heart was pounding, out of fear and anger and God knew what else. This couldn’t be happening. She was not the kind of girl that went around kissing her friend’s dates, especially not if they were Lucas Friar. He was the last person in the world she would ever want to kiss.

Lucas had that puppy dog look on his face, as though he didn’t know how to explain himself, and Maya wasn’t sure she even wanted him to. What could he possibly say to make this better?

“I do, did,” Lucas said, frowning at her. “I’m a little confused.”

“Yeah, well, un-confuse yourself!” Maya snapped, flustered at the whole situation. She couldn’t seem to form proper words, and she was reminded vividly of her crush on Josh, which had lasted all of two seconds in the grand scheme of things. Words had been hard to form then too, but no. No. She was seventeen now, and Lucas, of all people, wasn’t going to turn her into a pile of mush from one kiss. It hadn’t even been that good.

Okay, it had been amazing, but no!

Lucas shifted on his feet. “I think I might really—”

“No,” Maya interrupted sharply. If there was one thing she knew for sure, it was that she didn’t want to hear what Lucas was about to say. It wouldn’t do anyone any favors. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re going to turn around and go dance with Riley some more and I am going to go home. That’s what we’re going to do.”

Lucas looked like he wanted to argue, but Maya didn’t give him the chance. Walking down the hall, she didn’t look back to see if he was still there. If he wasn’t, her stomach might sink in disappointment, and if he was… well, she wasn’t sure she could handle the questions that came up.

 

 

**IV. 17 and 1/2**

Lucas never did anything. Maya knew that. He was almost as good as Riley, following all the rules, doing the homework, being the gentleman. He never did anything.

Except for their current predicament with Lucas’ hand up the back of her shirt and Maya pulling a magazine out from under her on the bed, trying to get more comfortable. Her mom wasn’t home, working another late shift at the bakery. It just meant the apartment was empty and she’d pulled the curtains shut against the blaring red light outside.

It was the first time she’d had anyone other than Riley over to her house. A part of her didn’t what she was doing. This was all sorts of wrong, and her conscience was screaming at her as she pulled Lucas on top of her and kissed him.

They shouldn’t have been doing this at all. Maya had avoided him all summer, ducking out whenever he would show up at the bakery and making excuses not to hang out with him when Riley wanted to. The start of school had forced them together again, as always. Someone up there really must have hated her. Or else Mr. Matthews enjoyed seeing them all squirm. Not that he knew about this. No one did.

“Hey, Maya,” Lucas tried to say in between kisses, and his hand was all too still against her back. 

“Not now, Huckleberry,” she replied, reaching for the hem of his shirt. They didn’t need to talk about this. If they talked, there would be problems and things she just didn’t want to deal with at the moment. They would have to talk about Riley. They would have to figure out what they were even doing, and Maya sure as hell didn’t want to do that.

She’d come to the conclusion, over much agonizing the past summer, that she might not totally hate Lucas. He had _some_ redeeming qualities if you forgot about that pesky noble streak, the same one that would probably ruin this.

His fingers brushed against her skin and she shivered. Maya knew her reputation around school, the way guys, and some girls, talked about her, but honestly, Maya was almost as inexperienced as Riley in this respect. She’d never had a serious boyfriend, and the farthest she’d gotten with a guy had been under the bra. It had happened last summer with a guy she’d met at an under-eighteen club. She hadn’t told Riley.

So why was she encouraging Lucas to do the very same? Mr. Matthews seemed to think that group projects were a delightful experience, and to keep his precious daughter away from the increasingly handsome boy in the second row, he’d paired up Maya and Lucas. 

It had been a bad idea in the first place since she and Lucas hadn’t really spoken since prom, but Riley had insisted everything would be fine. Riley had said something like, “Whatever happened between you two can be over now! And things can go back to how they were.”

Maya hadn’t asked what Riley thought happened because no doubt it wouldn’t have been anywhere close to the truth. Not that Maya had any intention of telling Riley the truth. She had no desire to ruin her friendship. 

She hadn’t meant to end up like this, horizontal on the bed. They were just supposed to have done the project and moved on, but Lucas had opened his mouth and started apologizing, going on about last year and how he shouldn’t have done anything and he just wanted things to go back to normal.

Maya hadn’t been able to stand it, and that was how they’d ended up here.

Okay, it didn’t exactly explain the way Maya threw herself into the kiss, hands grasping Lucas’ waist and pulling him tighter against her. She had no doubt he wouldn’t let them get too far, not before he tried to talk again, but she liked this side of him better. The part that didn’t think. The part that just _did_.

“I didn’t mean what I said,” Lucas said in between kisses, pulling his hand out of her shirt to smooth over her jaw instead, too intimate considering the situation. He forced her to stop, for them both to catch their breath. Maya didn’t want to stop or analyze or worry about what they’d do after this. “I’m not sorry about last year.”

Maya deflated slightly and pushed him away, forcing him to fall beside her on the bed. “Had to ruin it, didn’t you?”

“What?” Lucas looked confused and ruffled in an adorable, stomach-clenching kind of way that Maya hated, and maybe just a tiny bit, liked.

“We aren’t doing anything,” Maya went on, pushing herself up and smoothing back her hair. “Last year meant nothing.”

“But, we were just…” Lucas gestured vaguely at the bed, seemingly unable to articulate what they’d been doing.

“Yes, temporarily,” Maya replied with a sharp shrug. “What would Riley think of this?”

It was a low blow and she shouldn’t have said it, but it weighed heavily on her mind. The guilt of it threatened to crush her every day she didn’t tell Riley about what had happened. Lucas winced slightly and Maya knew he felt the same. They couldn’t do that to Riley.

Lucas turned to her, though, smoothing the covers between them. “I know last year I said I was confused, but I’m not anymore.”

“Well, that’s great,” she said, hugging her knees to her chest. She was still confused. This was Lucas, she was talking about. He was everything she’d never wanted in a guy. Except that he was nice and loyal and smart and funny and… She was going insane.

“Maya.” He said her name with such sincerity that Maya grimaced. This wasn’t going to end well.

“I have an idea, Huckleberry,” she said, ignoring his frown at the nickname. “How about we just make out and don’t tell anyone, and we can act like we’re friends again. For Riley’s sake.”

“For Riley,” Lucas agreed, almost too quickly.

Maya sighed, relieved for the moment. This didn’t have to be complicated. She did catch herself smiling as Lucas climbed back on top of her, but she quickly shook it away. That wasn’t what this was supposed to be.

 

 

**V. 18**

Maya dated more guys between September and April of her Senior year than the first three years combined. She knew the reputation that was cultivating. She heard the words tossed around behind her back—slut, whore, bitch—but the truth was she hadn’t done almost anything with any of those guys.

“I don’t care what they say,” she told Riley when Riley tentatively brought up the subject as they sat in the bay window. Maybe it was just Maya, but the window seemed smaller than she remembered. 

The real truth was that she had dated Tom, Hayden, Kyle, so that no one could get suspicious that after school, when her mom was at work and Riley thought she was taking art classes at the local community college, she was spending the time holed up in her room with Lucas. It had been like that for months.

Whenever Riley asked to see her artwork, Maya was struck with guilt. She wasn’t sure how much longer they could keep what they were doing a secret. Besides, she didn’t quite know what they were doing. She still couldn’t really believe that she liked Lucas in the first place.

“Graduation is coming up,” Lucas said one day as they lay side by side on her bed, sunlight streaming in the small window.

“In three months.” Maya didn’t really want to think about it yet. She still didn’t know where she was going to college, or if she was even going to go. Artists didn’t need school. They just traveled the world instead.

Lucas’ arm brushed against hers, and for a second, Maya closed her eyes. When she closed her eyes, she could pretend that life wasn’t complicated. That they wouldn’t have to tell Riley about this. Tell Riley or end it. Those were the only two options, and neither sounded too appealing.

“Spring break is coming up too,” Lucas said as though Maya hadn’t replied.

She smiled. “Let me guess, you’re going back to the ranch?”

“How many times do I have to tell you we don’t have a ranch? I’m from Austin.”

“Mmm,” she hummed softly. “Tell me about the time you got expelled again.”

“Maya,” Lucas said, sounding slightly exasperated and she opened her eyes to smile at him. She liked that she could still get to him.

“Would you punch someone for me?” she asked after a second, rolling onto her side and propping her head on her hand.

“Like right now?” Lucas asked, frowning, and she shook her head.

“Just in general. Would you punch someone for me?”

“Well, I guess, maybe, if the situation came up.” Lucas scrunched up his nose. “You don’t need me to punch anyone, do you?”

She shrugged. “Not at the moment. It’s just nice to know.”

Lucas didn’t seem as amused as she was. “I’d protect you. You know that.”

“Right…” Maya moved back. It was getting a little too serious. They weren’t dating or anything. As long as it was just making out, and you know, the few times they’d gone further, she didn’t have to tell Riley. It wasn’t important.

If Lucas noticed anything, he didn’t mention it. “So what are you doing for spring break?”

“I’ve got a date with Jonathan Harris on Monday,” she replied, fiddling with the ends of her hair, but she couldn’t help glancing at Lucas, checking his expression. His lips were pressed together.

“Why do you have to do that?” he asked though he knew perfectly why. He hadn’t told Riley either.

“We’re not dating,” she pointed out, a little too bluntly, and she felt a twinge of regret when he frowned.

“Yeah, but,” he said slowly, trailing off as though he didn’t have an answer. Maya didn’t either.

“We can hang out afterwards,” she said instead. “If you’re not busy birthin’ cows.”

“Five years and it’s still not funny,” Lucas said, but he let Maya roll on top of him and press his shoulders into her mattress.

“Shut up, Huckleberry.” She smiled as she kissed him and ignored the gnawing feeling in her gut that surfaced when Lucas kissed her back and slid his arms around her waist to pull her closer.

*

_How was your date?_

Lucas always used proper grammar and spelling in his texts, and Maya caught herself smiling as she leaned back in her chair and picked at the scone on her plate. The bakery was slow considering it was spring break, but for once, Maya was glad for the quiet.

 _Not as good a kisser as u_ , she wrote. Honestly, she never thought she’d write that to someone, especially not to Lucas, but they’d been _hanging out_ , for lack of a better term, for months now. It was easy to relax around him. He didn’t expect her to be anything other than herself and she liked that.

Setting her phone on the table, Maya slid into her chair. She wasn’t really hungry, just bored, wasting time until Lucas got off work and they could go to her place.

“Maya!” Riley bounced inside the bakery, plopping down on the chair next to her. “You’re here. How was Jonathan?”

Maya shrugged. “Kinda boring. Probably won’t go out again.”

Riley’s head tilted to the side in that sympathetic way that usually meant some unnecessary advice was coming next.

“Maybe you should find someone you like to date,” she suggested, hugging Maya tightly for a second.

“I’ll work on that,” Maya deadpanned. She didn’t tell Riley that there might already be someone. That someone just happened to be the subject of Riley’s unrequited crush for the past five years. “So what do you want to do this week? Our last spring break.”

“Not our last,” Riley pointed out. “There’s still four years of college. Did you get your letters yet? NYU came in yesterday but I was waiting for you to open it.”

Maya hadn’t checked the mail for a couple days, not because she was afraid of what might be in there, not at all. She just didn’t care. College was Riley’s thing, not hers. The thought of everyone leaving her for school wasn’t something she wanted to think about. After graduation, she was going to fly to Paris. That was where artists went, right?

“Not yet,” she lied, breaking apart her scone. It looked entirely unappetizing now. There was probably a letter sitting in the box. She didn’t want to know. She knew what it would say.

Riley sighed, disappointed. “They need to hurry up so we can sign up to be roommates! Wherever we go.”

Maya said nothing. It was too early in the day to crush Riley’s dreams of college together but someone had to be realistic. Even if Maya got in, there was no way she could pay for college.

The silence was broken by Maya’s phone pinging with a new text.

“Ooh, Jonathan?” Riley asked eagerly, grabbing the phone off the table before Maya could stop her.

“Riley, wait,” she said, but Riley’s eyes were already skimming the message.

“Lucas?” Riley’s eyebrows furrowed.

“No, don’t—” Maya got out as Riley’s thumb swiped the screen. Riley’s eyes widened as she read and Maya tried to snatch the phone back. “Riley, give it back.”

Riley jerked it out of her reach, rising from the chair and staring at the screen. “Maya?” she asked at length, her tone disbelieving. “What is this?”

Maya’s heart sunk like a stone. This wasn’t how she’d wanted Riley to find out. She’d _never_ wanted Riley to find out.

“It’s nothing.” Maya stood, making no attempt to get the phone back. Riley had seen the worst of it now, though if she scrolled up, there might be worse.

Riley frowned at the screen again, eyes scanning the words, rereading whatever Lucas had sent. Maya didn’t know what it was, but it couldn’t have been good.

“He says he can’t wait to see you,” Riley said slowly, as though the words didn’t make sense to her. She looked up, eyebrows furrowed together. “You don’t like Lucas.”

“Riles, give me the phone,” Maya said, her voice quiet and soothing. She didn’t have to try hard this time to take it. Riley seemed as if in a trance and the phone slipped easily from her fingers. Not a good sign.

“You don’t like Lucas,” Riley repeated, louder this time. Maya was glad the bakery was mostly empty. This was not a fight she wanted to have in front of people. “You always make fun of him and you didn’t talk to him all last summer. You think he’s a goody-two-shoes honky-tonk cowboy.

“Yes,” Maya agreed, but Riley wasn’t done.

“Then why are you talking about kissing and meeting up?” she demanded, her voice getting louder with every word. As sweet as Riley could be, she wasn’t as naive as she once had been when she’d found out Pluto had been demoted as a planet. The Riley Committee couldn’t keep things away from her forever.

Maya didn’t know what to say for once in her life. There was no excuse for what she’d done. She’d betrayed her best friend.

“Are you guys dating?”

“No,” Maya said sharply. “We’re not dating.”

“But you have been lying to me,” Riley said, staring at Maya. “How long have you been lying to me? You’re messing around with Lucas? How could you do that?”

Maya hated crying. She hated the loss of control that welled up inside her when it happened. She hated looking weak, even to Riley, someone she’d known almost her whole life. But that didn’t stop tears from pricking the corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Riley,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did.”

“Things don’t just happen,” Riley snapped. “You know how I feel about Lucas. Did you just forget?”

“No! Of course not. This has been killing me, Riley,” Maya said desperately. She had to make Riley understand. She hadn’t done it on purpose. “I love you. You are my best friend. I would never do anything to—”

“Well, you did!” Riley’s cheeks were turning pink in anger, or maybe just disappointment in Maya. “You kept a secret from me for I don’t know how long, and it isn’t just that you lied. It’s that you took Lucas!”

“I didn’t take him,” Maya insisted. “You’re not even dating. You’ve been out with him, like, three times ever.”

It was the wrong thing to say, and she knew it when Riley took a breath, back straightening so she came to her full height a good eight inches above Maya’s head.

“So that makes it okay to sneak around behind my back?”

“No.” Maya pressed her hands to her face. This wasn’t going well. “I just, I don’t know. I don’t know, Riley!”

“I’ll tell you what I know,” Riley said, a hard look in her eyes that Maya rarely saw, and never directed at her. “My best friend lied to me and messed around with the guy I liked. I always knew you could be like this but I never thought you’d do it to me.”

“What?” Maya stared at Riley, devastation crashing over her. Riley was always the one who brushed off the comments people said about Maya, the names she got called by the popular kids, who defended her when people accused her of messing around with their boyfriends.

Riley crossed her arms over her chest and stubbornly didn’t reply, though she did bite her lip and avoid Maya’s eyes.

“Screw you, Riley,” Maya said, a tear sliding down her cheek as the balloon in her chest pressed against her lungs and she swallowed back the tremble in her lips. “I made a mistake and I didn’t mean to hurt you. We’re not all perfect like you.”

Grabbing her purse, Maya pushed past Riley. She didn’t want to hear any more insults, any more accusations. Riley was supposed to be her best friend, and yes, Maya had done a terrible thing, but she had never thought Riley would throw her reputation in her face like that.

Tears streamed down her face as she climbed the steps to the sidewalk. She brushed them away angrily, taking shaking breaths as she headed for the subway. She was going to end all of this right now.

*

“Maya?” Lucas sounded surprised as he opened the door to Maya in the hall. “What happened? I’ve been texting. Have-have you been crying?”

Maya wiped at her face. Her mascara was probably all over her face by now. It wasn’t important. She sniffed and shook her head.

“Come in,” Lucas said, opening the door wider and spreading his arms, but she didn’t move.

“No,” she said. She wasn’t here for comfort. She didn’t deserve it. “We’re breaking up.”

Lucas frowned slightly. “But we’re not dating.”

“You know what I mean,” Maya snapped then sighed. “We can’t hang out anymore.”

“Why not?”

“We just can’t, okay?” Maya hadn’t realized how much this would hurt, seeing Lucas’ face contort in confusion. It was the only way, though.

Lucas took a step forward while Maya eyed him cautiously. “Maya, I really really like you,” he said, reaching for her cheek, but she pushed his hand away.

“Stop. Stop it. It’s over, Lucas.”

She didn’t meet Lucas’ eyes, staring hard at the dirty floor. She’d already cried too much today, and she’d be damned if she cried over Lucas too.

“I just came by to tell you,” she said, speaking to the floor. “I’ll see you around.”

Lucas didn’t call after her this time as she left. She didn’t hear the door close, though, so she knew he was watching, all the way until she hit the staircase and disappeared from view. It was over now, though that fact didn’t seem to fill the pit in her stomach. If anything, it simply got bigger.

 

 

**VI. 18. Still.**

Mr. Matthews was staring at them. He’d been staring at them for several minutes now and Maya was starting to get uncomfortable. She shifted in her desk and looked out the window instead. Riley stared at her notebook. Lucas tapped his pen against the desk and said nothing.

“Alright, what is going on here?” Mr. Matthews said finally, gesturing at them. “It’s been like this for almost two months. Graduation is a week away.”

Maya was just thinking of what else she could be doing right now instead of sitting in detention with Riley and Lucas for some made up reason just so Mr. Matthews could try to teach them one last lesson before he would no longer be their teacher (God, she hoped he wouldn’t pop up wherever she went to school). She could be in the park, enjoying the nice weather. She could be at home, blasting punk music on full volume until the neighbor banged on the wall. Anywhere but here.

“It’s nothing, Daddy,” Riley said, and Maya had to admit she was impressed Riley hadn’t spilled the whole thing to her parents. They were usually the first people she ran to after Maya.

“It is clearly not nothing. The three of you have been moping around school like somebody died.” Mr. Matthews clearly wasn’t letting this one go. Just one more week and Maya could move on with her life for good. No more ‘lessons’ to suffer through. The real world was waiting. 

“No offense, Mr. Matthews, but it’s none of your business,” Maya said finally when no one else spoke. The past two months had been the worst of her life. Without Riley to talk to, she had no one, and she couldn’t go to Lucas.

In all honesty, Maya was miserable. One mistake and she’d lost her best friend and the guy she maybe, sort of, kinda, okay, really liked. She couldn’t figure out how to get Riley to forgive her, and a part of her was still mad at Riley for what she’d said. She hadn’t thought Riley could hold out for so long, but she’d proved her wrong.

“It is my business,” Mr. Matthews argued. “I’ve watched you guys grow up together, and no fight has ever lasted more than a couple days. You’re going to be leaving for college soon. If you don’t deal with the problem now, you might never be friends again. I don’t know what happened, but I know it’s not worth throwing away years of friendship for.”

Maya turned back to the window. She’d apologized. She’d broken up with Lucas. What more did Riley want? How hard-hearted was she going to be?

Mr. Matthews sighed at the lack of response he got. “Fine. You have an hour of detention. Maybe you’ll figure it out.” He shut the door behind him as he left.

No one spoke, but Maya hadn’t expected anyone to. They hadn’t had a real conversation in months. The clock ticked by several minutes before Maya stood and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Riley asked as Maya reached it.

“I’m getting out of here.”

“You can’t do that,” Riley argued, and Maya almost smiled. Always following the rules.

“You think I’m going to spend an hour sitting in painful silence with you?”

Riley shook her head, as though she couldn’t believe it. “My dad wants us to talk.”

Maya stared at Riley. “I’ve already apologized. I stopped seeing Lucas. I don’t have anything else to say. _You’re_ the one who called me a slut.”

“You did what?” Lucas spoke up for the first time, staring in disbelief at Riley, who bristled under his gaze.

“I did not!” she protested. “I never said that!”

“You as good as did,” Maya scoffed, hugging her stomach. She hadn’t been able to get it out of her head since Riley had said it, accusing her of being the kind of person who helps guys cheat on their girlfriends.

“Well, you lied to me!”

“Yes, I did!” Maya said, a bit too loud. “And I’m sorry and I don’t know how many times I have to say it before you believe me. What Lucas and I were doing was stupid. We were stupid.”

“Wait a minute,” Lucas said from his chair. “We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Shut up, Friar,” Maya warned him. She didn’t need him to make things worse.

“No, I won’t shut up, Maya,” he said, getting to his feet. “I liked you and I wasn’t dating Riley. We didn’t cheat on anyone. Yeah, we shouldn’t have lied, and I’m sorry for that, Riley, but Maya, you didn’t want to tell anyone. You wouldn’t even let us date.”

“So it’s all my fault?” Of course it was. She was the bad kid. Everything was her fault.

“That’s not what I meant. I wanted it to be real, but you would never let it. I still can’t even tell if you like me.”

Maya stared at him for a long moment. She thought it had been pretty obvious how she felt about Lucas. He was pretty much the only guy she could stand to be around more than one evening. The rest were too stupid, too idiotic. Lucas was nice and smart and didn’t mind her little quirks.

“If that’s what you think, then it’s a good thing we broke up,” she said, swallowing down the lump in her throat. “Now you two can finally live out the star-crossed lovers scene we’ve all known was coming since eighth grade.”

Pulling open the door, she left them alone in the classroom. Senior year couldn’t end soon enough.

*

“Are you excited?” her mother asked, smoothing down a perfectly-sculpted wave of Maya’s hair and gazing at her reflection in the mirror. She’d bought Maya a brand new dress for the occasion, dark blue and flowing down to her knees. Not that anyone would see it underneath the ugly graduation gown.

“Yeah,” she lied, putting on a smile. Her mother was excited enough for the both of them. Maya just wanted to get it over with. Get her diploma and get the hell out of New York.

“You’re so beautiful,” her mom said, turning to face her. “And you’re so smart, and I hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“Thanks, Mom,” she said, hugging her lightly.

“Are you meeting Riley before the ceremony?” she asked, messing with her own makeup now.

“We’re just meeting there.” The only good thing about her mother getting a new boyfriend was that she was too busy to notice the frigid air in the bakery these days.

“You should get going; don’t want to be late. I’ll see you at the ceremony. I’m so proud of you, Maya.”

Maya’s smile was genuine this time. At least she’d made it through, and she’d even gotten into a few schools. Of course, she hadn’t replied to any of them yet and the deadline was coming up soon. It was too much on top of everything else.

“I’ll see you there,” Maya said, giving her mom one last hug before grabbing her purse and heading for the subway.

The ride to the hall was entirely too short, not enough time for Maya to prepare herself. Luckily, everyone was too busy and excited to notice her when she entered backstage. Yearbooks passed from person to person, but Maya ducked away from the crowd. She didn’t search for Riley or Lucas, or even Farkle. He was probably busy memorizing his valedictorian speech.

She set up in a corner, dumping her stuff and changing her shoes to high heels that matched her dress. She felt fidgety, the dress too smooth against her hands, mascara heavy on her eyelashes. 

“You look nice.”

Maya was surprised to find Riley before her when she glanced up. “Thanks,” she said, rummaging in her purse instead of letting herself wonder what Riley was doing. She came up with her lipstick but didn’t apply it. Riley was still there.

“Maya,” Riley said at length, and Maya chanced a glance. Riley had her hands folded in front of her. She wore a new dress too, red and long-sleeved. “I didn’t mean to ever say you were like a… a you-know-what.” Riley couldn’t even say the word out loud. “I was mad and hurt. I’m sorry.”

It was the first time Riley had said it and it melted the icy wall Maya had erected for the past two months, but she was wary. They’d both made mistakes now.

“I’m sorry too,” she said, and Riley smiled. 

“I know.” She shifted and her eyes swept guiltily over the floor. “I might have overreacted. I mean, you’re right. Lucas and I have never really dated. Maybe we’re just too similar to work.”

“We don’t have to talk about him,” Maya said swiftly. It hurt to talk about him. She’d tried her best to forget about everything that had happened with Lucas, to move on.

“I think we do,” Riley said, stepping over to Maya and pulling her into an unexpected hug. Confused, Maya didn’t pull away. “I think you really like him.”

“How do you know?”

Riley moved back and tilted her head to the side in that way she did. “I’ve known you longer than I’ve known my own brother. Lucas might not have seen it, but I know what it looks like when you like someone. I didn’t see it when it was happening, but God, I see it now. You miss him.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Maya scoffed. “Why would I miss him?”

“It’s okay,” Riley said, squeezing her arm. “I want you to be happy. I want both of you to be happy.”

“Riley,” Maya said, shaking her head, but Riley stopped her with a look.

“It’s graduation night. The best time to do stupid things, right? If you don’t tell him how you feel, you’re gonna regret it.”

Maya gazed at Riley for a second then smiled. “When did you get smart?”

Riley beamed and slung an arm over Maya’s shoulder. “You taught me everything I know. Now we’re ready for the real world.”

Maya wasn’t so sure about that, but she was glad she had Riley back on her side. It would make doing this so much easier.

*

“Yay, we did it!” Riley grinned as she hugged Maya, and Maya couldn’t help the feeling of relief that washed over her. She was done. School was over. At least, high school. The future was still unclear.

Tossing off the itchy gown, Maya glanced around for her mother, but she was busy talking to the Matthews. 

“It’s time,” Riley said a second later, and Maya wasn’t sure what she was talking about until she spotted Lucas through the crowd. He seemed happy, laughing with Farkle about something. A stone dropped into her stomach and she shook her head.

“I don’t think I should do this,” she said, taking a step backward, but Riley caught her and shoved her forward.

“It’s now or never.”

Maya wasn’t sure when Riley had gotten so pushy, but she didn’t thank her for it as Riley pushed her again and she was forced to head for Lucas.

“Have a good summer, guys,” Lucas said as he handed off a yearbook to someone. 

Taking a deep breath, Maya stepped forward.

“Can I talk to you?” she asked, fully prepared for Lucas to scowl and say no. She would deserve it after the way she’d treated him.

“Okay,” he said instead, moving away from the crowd toward the hallway. It was quiet there, noise muffled by the beige carpeting. “What is it?”

Forcing down the nerves that surfaced, Maya met Lucas’ gaze. “I wanted to say that I was wrong to have treated you the way I did. For a long time, I didn’t even know if I did like you. You were Riley’s crush, off-limits, and things got more confusing, and I started to like you. I started to like you a lot. But there was always Riley, and I didn’t want to hurt her. She is the most important person in my life and she probably always will be.” Maya paused. This wasn’t going the way she wanted. In her head, she was much smoother. 

“I get that,” Lucas said when she paused. “Riley’s my friend too, but I don’t want to spend my whole life wondering what might have happened if I didn’t try.”

Maya shifted. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I do like you, more than just messing around.”

“Me too,” Lucas said with a small smile.

“So, you wanna go back to my place and make out?” she suggested with a grin, but Lucas arched an eyebrow.

“Maya.”

“Kidding,” she said, holding up her hands. “Partially. You want to find Riley and go to all-night diner?”

“In just a minute,” Lucas said, stepping forward, a hand sliding over Maya’s lower back and nudging her forward.

Maya couldn’t help smiling against Lucas’ mouth as he kissed her, softly and then deeply. Butterflies erupted in her stomach, an unfamiliar feeling that she didn’t totally hate.

Lucas pulled back slowly. “Guess we’re gonna have to tell Riley.”

“She already knows, Huckleberry.”

“You know, I’m starting not to hate that nickname,” Lucas mumbled as Maya grinned and kissed him again. Things weren’t perfect, but they never had been for Maya. And that was how she liked it.

*

FIN.


End file.
